


he looks perfect (i don't deserve this)

by sunshinesoraa



Category: Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry Xion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Modern Era, Not Just Another Academy AU, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Riku's so gay, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Sora's a bean, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-03-27 12:58:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13881351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinesoraa/pseuds/sunshinesoraa
Summary: How do you expect to save everyone if you can't even save yourself?





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all.  
> So, basically I've been writing fanfiction for years and now I'm finally deciding to put something out there, hate be damned. I love these characters, I love these boys, and I love giving them happy endings.  
> Most of all, I love all of you guys who are making the conscious decision to read my work. It fills my whole heart with joy.

 

 

 

Riku was having the most outstanding dream.

He was finally home, curled up in his bed.  _Riku's_ bed, complete with a mattress only he had ever slept on, and soft chenille blankets given to him by his mother. The new 4K Samsung his parents had gotten him last Christmas was playing his favorite movies, engulfing the dimly lit room in a soft glow of LED light. And beside him, curled up into the crook of his arm was this tiny person; warm and soft compared to Riku’s harsh demeanor. Looking down, Riku couldn’t see their face, but he could feel their warmth; spreading through his cheeks, his chest, his...

 

 

“Yo, Reeks!”  
The door to Riku’s dorm swung open, expelling him from his fantasy and slamming into the adjacent wall with a dramatic thunk. The sound of heavy wood on white concrete echoed down the hall. He sprang up in bed, squinting at the flamboyant source of noise: the scowling redhead standing in his doorway. He really needed to start locking his door at night.   
“Jesus, dude,” Riku seethed, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.   
“You plannin’ on getting up any time today?” Axel asked, using his teeth to tear an overused rubber band from his wrist and use it to tie back his sharp red hair into a ponytail.  
“Eh,” Riku responded, flopping back down on his pillows. He stared up at the old popcorn ceiling, wondering if he closed his eyes and rolled over if Axel would leave him alone. Unlikely.   
Axel shut the door behind him and fell back against it dramatically. “I heard something’s rumoring down in the cafeteria and I’m _dying_ to see what it is.”

Riku pushed himself out of the creaky old bed and started digging through the pile of clothes on his floor. This was Riku's tried and true organizational system: pulling out what he deemed clean enough to wear and leaving the rest in the pile. He tore out a burgundy long-sleeve triumphantly, and the volcano of clothes erupted around his feet.  
“You’re a big boy, Axel,” Riku chastised. “You’re perfectly capable of going down there by yourself.”  
“But I don’t want _tooooo_.” For someone who looked like he could easily be in his late twenties, Axel acted a lot more like a nineteen-year-old baby.   
“Where’s your partner in crime?”  
“Roxas was already gone by the time I woke up,” Axel said, and then added: “Fucking traitor.”

Riku wasn’t one to pay much attention to the rumor mill, but he knew Axel wasn’t being overzealous about this news. Before Axel had shut the door, Riku heard the other students out in the hallway eagerly chatting and gossiping back and forth. That was the thing with boarding schools: something new rarely happened. Everyone here had known each other since childhood, and everyone had all settled into a predictable routine. So when there was a new subject to talk about, it was spread to the entirety of the student body within hours.  
Riku raked a comb through his hair with really no intention of bettering his appearance. He didn’t care, he was just hungry, and he wanted breakfast. He looked down at the white watch on his wrist. It was seven and Riku’s first class wasn’t until nine, so he had plenty of time, he reminded himself. Riku was a punctual person, so he wouldn’t dare be late, even to something as remedial as a critical thinking course.  
To Riku, there were two kinds of boarding school students: students like Axel, who got sent there solely because his parents wanted to get rid of him, and Riku, who really, genuinely wanted to succeed and make something of himself.  
Riku tugged his shirt over his head and then pulled his silver hair out of the collar. Axel stood impatiently by the door. Sliding on his shoes, Riku turned to him. “Alright. Let’s go.”  
“Sweet!” Axel cheered, throwing the door open again, with little to no regard for the school’s property.

While the pair strolled down the dutifully landscaped pathway towards breakfast, Riku tried to catch snippets of what everyone was talking about, but his mind kept wandering back to the warmth of his dream. Riku’s main objective was to succeed in his academics, so in turn he could get a good job, and in turn live a good life. These were the kinds of mantras ingrained in him from early toddlerhood. Something as trivial as romance was not a part of Riku’s schedule. He allowed himself those few moments of indulgence, remembering those soft, delicate hands- the gentle weight on his shoulder… the… actual weight on his shoulder… what the hell? Two hands clasped him from behind, causing Riku to shout.  
“ _Fuck!_ ” Riku jumped, whipping around to face Kairi, his exuberant, but sometimes exhausting, childhood best friend. She met him with a wide, amused smile. “You can’t just do that to a person, Kairi!”  
“Oh, you big baby,” she teased, tossing her auburn hair behind her back and moving into step with the boys. Riku held his hand on his heart theatrically like it was going to stop beating at any moment. Axel draped an arm around Kairi’s shoulders.  
“Hey Kai,” he began. “You heard what’s going on?”  
Kairi looked up at him, clearly happy to spread the new headline. “What, you haven’t?”  
“No! What?!”  
Riku snickered to himself, as Axel truly seemed hurt that Kairi knew something before he did.  
Kairi gazed between the two boys. “One of the head office assistants found out this morning that we’re getting a new student.”  
“What?” For the first time within his memory, Riku was genuinely floored by the recent gossip.  
“Yeah, and they’re saying he’s expected sometime tomorrow,” Kairi concluded.  
“Oooooh, so it’s a boy,” Axel sang, nudging Riku in the side. “Maybe you’ll finally get a roommate, Riku.”

Riku groaned. Ah, fuck. They were probably right.  
Whoever this new kid was, he was destined to be Riku’s roommate. He had the privilege of being the only person without one on the senior boys’ hall, since his original roommate, (and first cousin), had gotten kicked out for fighting at the beginning of the school year. That had been three months ago, and Riku had gotten quite accustomed to having the room all to himself. He hadn’t expected to have a roommate again. Nobody entered Radiant Academy in the middle of the year, or at all, for that matter.

“Oh, c’mon,” Kairi cooed, leaning into Riku. “Having a roommate won’t be so bad.”  
Riku grunted in disagreement as the three of them entered the bustling cafeteria, filled with decade old tables and chairs, along with murals on the white brick walls that were painted by former students that were probably parents now.   
“That’s easy for you to say, Kai,” Riku countered. “You’ve got Naminé for a roommate, and she’s like a fuckin’ _angel_.”

  
Kairi gave Riku a teasingly sympathetic look and broke off from the boys to go sit at her usual table. “See ya,” she called, bouncing off towards her girlfriends. Seated in the middle of the table was Kairi’s best friend, roommate, and Roxas’ little sister, Naminé. Naminé waved sweetly at Riku and Axel. The boys waved back before getting in line for breakfast.  
“So, a new student, huh?” Axel thought aloud. “We haven’t had a new student since… well, me, probably.”  
Riku nodded. “Yeah, that was eight years ago, and everybody’s still so scarred from that nice addition, I have no idea how this is gonna go.”  
Riku would admit he earned the shove from Axel that followed.  
The boys got their plates and sat down at the little table in the middle of the cafeteria that they had claimed as their own during freshman year. Roxas had his phone held out in front of him, pushing out his cheeks like a monkey and crossing his eyes. He clicked to take the picture and then began typing.  
“Oh my God, Rox, you’re so hot,” Axel swooned, falling into the chair beside him.  
Riku set his plate down, a piece of bacon hanging from his mouth that he just couldn’t wait until he got to the table to eat, and scoffed. “Roxas, are you snapchatting your sister from across the room?”  
“My laziness knows no bounds,” he replied, sending the snapchat and then locking his phone. “You heard about the new student?”  
“Yeah, Kairi told us,” Axel answered.  
Roxas shook his head and threw a handful of blueberries into his oatmeal. “Crazy, right? I mean, in the middle of November? Really?”  
“He’s beating out my grand entrance!” Axel feigned anger, slamming his fists down on the table. Roxas rolled his eyes, chuckling.  
Riku sat and ate silently, listening to the two boys banter back and forth.  
Riku was nervous, but he would never admit it.

 

 

-*-

 

 

Riku ended up walking to his first class alone, which he didn’t mind, because he was too busy being consumed by his own thoughts to conduct a conversation with anyone. For the rest of the day, he expected to receive some sort of ‘new roommate’ notice. Every time someone entered the classroom, he was ready for them to bring him some sort of note, or call him out into the hall. The phone would ring, and he’d expect someone to say: “Can you send Riku Sakuraba down? We have an urgent roommate notice we need to inform him of,” but no one ever called.  
He found it strangely unnerving that administration would just spring a new roommate on him with no notice at all. It kind of pissed him off. Thoughts of the new student paralyzed Riku’s mind, as he anxiously awaited the boy’s arrival.

He was quiet throughout most of dinner that night, but it wasn’t unusual for him. Riku liked being around his friends, and he would contribute to the conversation every now and then, but most of the time he was content to sit there and listen to them talk. That’s just how Riku was. Axel and Roxas were playfully arguing with each other about the answers to a quiz they’d had that day, so Riku pulled out his phone.  
Unlocking the screen, he went to his messages an composed a new one to Kairi.

 

**_dont u think its weird nobodys given me any notice about a roommate? I thought someone woulda told me.._ **

 

Riku smiled at Kairi’s name in his phone, "Kai Babyy." She’d put it there a couple years ago when he got a new phone and he just never felt like changing it. It was sort of nostaligic to him now. He turned around and looked to where Kairi was sitting as he sent the message. Receiving the message, she looked back at him, made a face full of concern, and then looked down at her phone to respond.

 

_**I mean ya… maybe theyll tell u tomorrow tho, I wouldnt worry about it Ri** _

 

Riku knit his eyebrows together and quickly typed a response.

 

_**Yeah I guess ur right.. im just sorta on edge about it** _

 

Kairi sent back a gif of Fez from That 70’s Show making a heart and mouthing ‘I love you,’ which was Kairi’s way of ending a conversation when she didn’t have anything left to say. Riku smiled and locked his phone back. He needed to stop worrying so much about this new kid.

 

 

-*-

 

 

Riku regretted taking AP Chemistry.  
He sat in the school’s library long after most students had gone to bed, nose shoved into a book. He was definitely the last person there. All the other students that were studying alongside him had left almost an hour ago.  
Axel, Roxas, and a bunch of the other guys were hanging out at the student hall that night, and they’d asked him to tag along, but Riku declined. He had to make a good grade on this next quiz or he’d be toast. Or, at least, Riku’s definition of ‘toast’, which was anything under a 92 average.  
Riku found himself beginning to nod off at about a quarter to nine, constantly forcing his eyes back open, and re-reading the same sentence again and again. This was a miracle in itself, as the uncomfortable wooden chairs in the library hardly seemed like the ideal napping spot. After the fourth time falling asleep, he decided that he’d studied enough, and he began packing up his things. As Riku made his way towards the library’s exit, attendant breathed a sigh of relief and began turning off the lights as soon as he was through the big double doors.

Riku started his walk across campus, textbooks weighing heavy on his back. He heard the loud commotion of pop music and people yelling ‘dude!’ coming from the student hall.  
If it was Friday night, this would be pretty typical, but partying late on a Wednesday was the definition of risky. It was one of the senior guys’ birthday- Riku could never remember his name, just that he was loud, obnoxious, and thought he could play sitar when in reality, he couldn’t. Riku thought about stopping by- he could’ve met up with Roxas and Axel and assimilated like he’d been there the whole time, but Riku was exhausted and had no interest in trying to socialize.

He finally approached the boys’ building, and walked through the lobby past a bunch of kids who were downstairs watching movies and playing games on the consoles. Riku was almost out of breath by the time he reached the seniors’ floor. The walk between the library and his dorm building was almost a mile- he’d measured it, once. There was practically nobody up there; everyone was out at parties or whatever. And the kids who didn’t want to be social were already tucked away in their rooms, doors locked, Netflix probably illuminating the dark room from a laptop. Riku pulled his lanyard from his pocket and fumbled with the keys, desperate to finally be back in his bed.  
He heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and he mentally braced himself for whoever was about to slap him on the back and make small talk. Riku tried his best to be an inapproachable guy, but since he hung out with Axel and Roxas, that was practically impossible.  
Riku was surprised when the dorm mother, Aqua, appeared at the top of the stairs. She usually headed back to her apartment right after dinner. Riku watched as Aqua turned around and called kindly to the person behind her: “It’s right up here, not much more to go.”  
And in a sudden twist of events, a small boy holding both a large cardboard box and a suitcase stepped up beside Aqua, smiling gratefully back at her. “I have too much stuff,” he responded sheepishly.  
“That’s okay. The more stuff you have, the more comfortable you’ll feel here!”

Riku couldn’t stop staring. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t peel his eyes off this boy. It was like driving by a car wreck on the interstate- everyone knew you shouldn’t stop and gawk, but they did anyway.  
The new kid handed off the cardboard box to Aqua, revealing his chunky, baby pink sweater and black skinny jeans. He had a soft, friendly face and the messiest brown hair Riku had ever seen; sticking up in all different directions. Unexpectedly, Riku’s heart swelled in his chest.  
This was absolutely not who Riku expected.

Once gaining his common sense back, Riku briskly pushed open the door to his room and began tidying up for the newcomer. He pushed his clothes into the corner, moved his books and laptop off the vacant bed, and tried to make the small bathroom connected to the room somewhat presentable.  
Riku’s heart started beating ridiculously fast when he heard footsteps approaching the door. Riku sat on his bed and cracked his AP Chemistry book back open in an attempt to look normal, but he couldn’t hide his shock when the footsteps wavered in front of his door and then disappeared.  
He paused for a beat to make sure no one was outside, and then softly opened the door, peering down the hallway. Aqua and the new boy stopped at another dorm a few rooms down- another empty one.

“Here it is,” Aqua said, using her master key to unlock the door. Aqua and the new student disappeared inside, and Riku was left reeling.

Riku suddenly felt so stupid, and a little disheartened. Why had Riku wasted all that energy worrying about his new roommate when he was getting a room to himself all along? He had grown fond of the idea of a new roommate in the past 24 hours and now that the prospect was gone, he felt the same loneliness he’d felt when Neku left wash over him all over again.

Riku shut off the lights around the room and returned his things to the empty, unoccupied bed, embarrassed. He flopped onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, letting his mind wander like it always did.  
What was with that kid? He was going get torn apart; wearing pink sweaters on the senior boys’ floor. This was more than enough material for the school to talk about for weeks.  
Riku ran his hands over his face, sighing. He pulled the sheet up over him, and turned towards the wall. Whatever.

He wasn’t his problem.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you guys have been so incredibly supportive and kind, (about a story I don't even think is that great)! I appreciate all of you more than you know.  
> Thanks for bearing with me on these introductory chapters, since after this, things will begin to pick up. Thanks for being patient and being you. I love you guys.

Lately, Sora’s life seemed like a terrible dream that he couldn’t wake up from. 

It had been twenty minutes since he’d arrived at Radiant Academy, and he could already feel the bubbling premonition of anxiety in his stomach.  Aqua, the dorm mother, had greeted Sora with open arms, which caused the unwanted attention of some of the students socializing downstairs. A mother. That’s exactly what Sora needed- another mother. Aqua seemed nice enough, though. As soon as she greeted him, she took his things, was careful to steer him clear of the other residents, and led him up to his room. Sora was grateful he’d arrived in the middle of the night rather than early in the morning when everyone was usually up and crowding the halls. 

         “It’s right up here, not too much further,” Aqua assured him, as the pair ascended the dark wooden staircase. They finally reached the top after having climbed four flights with Sora’s heavy boxes in hand. His arms were unfathomably tired. “I have too much stuff…,” Sora sighed.  
“That’s okay!” Aqua offered him a warm smile. “The more stuff you have, the more comfortable you’ll feel here.” Sora hoped she was right, as all he could really ask for was somewhere to finally feel comfortable. Sora and Aqua walked down the long corridor and stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall. “Here it is,” Aqua said, pulling out the key from her pocket and unlocking the door. She pushed it open and Sora stepped inside. 

         It wasn’t the best-looking room he’d ever seen.  The room smelled dusty, and the windows were foggy from lack of use and cleaning. The walls were painted a stark white. However, it could’ve been a lot worse. There were two beds on either side of the room, and a desk in between them. The two large windows looked out over the courtyard in front of the boys’ building, and Sora made a mental note to clean them as soon as possible so he would be able to enjoy the view. He set the boxes he was carrying down on the desk, and heard Aqua shut the door behind her. 

“Do you need any help unloading anything…? Organizing, or… making things a little more cozy?”  
Sora turned around and gave her a genuine smile. Her bright blue hair was a bit off-putting to Sora- who rarely saw someone with dyed hair in the small town he was from. The concept almost fascinated him.  
“No thank you,” Sora said, tugging at his sweater. “I think I can manage.”  
“Alright.” Aqua stepped forward and squeezed Sora’s shoulder. She began to move towards the exit. “Let me know, okay? I’m just downstairs in case you need anything.”  
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”  
She placed a slender hand on the doorknob, and then turned. “Oh, wait. I almost forgot. Tomorrow morning, a girl named Kairi should be by to see you. She’s… real bubbly, and has unusually red hair, so you won’t miss her.”  
Sora felt a knot rise in his throat. “Uh… I- okay.”  
Taking in Sora’s hesitant look, she gave him a look of sympathetic reassurance. “She’s one of the sweetest people I know, Sora. There’s nothing to worry about.”  
         The smallest bit convinced, Sora nodded other, and watched as Aqua closed the door and left him and his empty room alone. 

         So here he was. He’d made it. Sora had no idea he was capable of feeling so relieved and so terrified at the same time. 

 

 

-*-

 

 

         Sora wished he had ended up leaving home on a better note. When his mom and dad helped him pack up his boxes into the car, they did so with such an urgency that it made Sora feel like they were almost forcing him out. His mom and dad climbed into the front of the car, and Sora lingered by the trunk, trying not to dwell on how fast this had all happened.  _“I know it’s not ideal for you, Sora,”_ Dr. Ava had said. _“But this is the best option.”_  
Sora had doubted that. Wasn’t there anything else that could be done? What about journaling, or sending him off to some camp for crazy people with mental illnesses? In less than three days, Sora had been un-enrolled from the public school system he’d been in for his entire life, and they were busy at work packing his things away into boxes just like they’d done with his sister’s a mere six months earlier. 

         The two days prior to Sora’s departure, he’d been a mess. Most of the day, he lingered in front of his sister’s locked door, willing it to open and let him inside. He wanted just a few minutes of what felt like her presence. He spent late nights on the couch with his mom, crying into her shoulder. How could they do this to him? How could they send him into a strange city, surrounded by strange people he didn’t know? How was any of this supposed to help him?  
         Sora wasn’t even sure he would take his medicine if he wasn’t home, because it made him feel funny, and his mom was the only reason that he took it most days. 

      When they’d finally dropped him off in front of the dorm building, his parents had given him big hugs and well wishes. His father had even said something sentimental; something along the lines of: “We’re always a call away if you need us, son,” which was something his dad almost never did. Sora could feel tears welling up in his eyes as he reflected on the previous events of the day, so he distracted himself by wiping the tears on the sleeve of his sweater and tearing the tape off of the first box. When it neared midnight, Sora had put his sheets and comforter on his bed of choice, hung up his pictures of his mom, dad, and sister, and put out his jar of flowers. Suddenly, he heard some of the boys from the hall returning home after some late-night partying. 

         Sora, now wearing his flannel pajama bottoms, crept towards the door and put his ear to the heavy wood. 

 _“Rox, you’re so gooooooone, dude, you’re gooooone,”_ someone slurred. 

 _“Am not, am not…,”_ came the response.  
_“Gaha!”_

         Sora rolled his eyes. Great, he was living with a bunch of frat boys. He sighed, and moved towards his new bed. Sora laid down, consciously keeping the light on in the bathroom. He pressed a hand on the picture of his sister he had taped beside his bed. Before he closed his eyes to try and sleep, he sent a text to his parents, just to let them know that he missed them. 

 

 

-*-

 

 

 The nightmares were often and consistent. He would always wake up in a cold sweat, face flushed and heart beating uncontrollably. This time, he found himself walking down the hallway of his home, towards his sister’s bedroom. The walk seemed endless, and while the hallway was dark, he could see a stream of light coming from underneath her door. He had to get there. He had to make it in time. His heart constricted at the thought of the scene he would have to witness behind that door. It was his fault. All his fault. All his fault. All his fault. All his- 

 

_Bam bam bam._

         Sora’s eyes opened suddenly, and his brown hair was sticking to his face like glue. His whole body felt hot and sweaty, and tears were creating permanent homes on his face. He quickly ran his hands over his cheeks, and popped into the bathroom to take a look at himself before answering the door. _Bam bam bam._

It was unbelievably early. 

“Hel-“  
“Hiiiii!” A bouncy, auburn-headed girl grinned at him from the doorframe, enthusiastically holding out her hand. “I’m Kairi. It’s nice to meet you! Welcome to Radiant Academy!” Sora’s heart beamed. She was so friendly and warm, it made him feel almost instantly better about this whole situation. Sora decided to give her one of his award-winning smiles back. “I’m Sora.”  
“You’re _soooo_ cute, I love your sweater!” Kairi bounced, holding on to both of his wrists. It was then that Sora realized he was still wearing the same shirt from last night. He blushed, bashful. “Aw, thanks… it’s one of my favorites…”  
“I’ve been instructed to show you around today. Would that be okay?”  
“Yeah, that would be great, actually... thanks, Kairi.”  
“Don’t mention it. Can I come in?” Kairi asked, looking past Sora into his room.  
“Oh, yeah, sure,” he said, stepping aside to let her in. Kairi took a seat on Sora’s bed, while Sora looked through his boxes for something to wear. He felt foolish for doubting Aqua’s opinion on Kairi last night, as the small girl smiled and swung her feet over the side of his bed. He hadn’t yet had time to move his clothes to the small closet they were provided. Kairi was surprised to find that Sora’s wardrobe consisted of many different pastels, mostly in shades of pink. She admired his room, with its simplistic charm. It hadn’t taken long for Sora to make it his own. He had always been good at that. 

“How long have you been here?” Kairi asked. 

“I got here late last night,” Sora answered. “So not long.”  
         Sora put on a pair of regular skinny jeans this time, and opted for a white long-sleeved shirt rather than something pink, just to be safe. While he was in the bathroom doing his hair, Kairi leaned against the wall. Sora and Kairi hit it off almost instantly, chatting back and forth with each other like they’d been friends for years.  
“I heard a bunch of guys come home from the parties last night,” Sora commented, pushing his hair up with his fingers. He turned side to side to see how it looked. “They were ridiculously loud.”  
“Oh, God, I know,” Kairi rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how anyone sleeps up here. But Friday’s kind of the party night for all the senior boys, so, prepare for that.”  
“Ugh, great.”  
“You’re not a party kind of guy?” Kairi asked curiously, twirling a piece of her hair around her finger.  
“Definitely not,” Sora answered, looking at her through the mirror.  
“Well, if you don’t feel like going out with the boys, you’re always welcome to come hang out with us on Friday nights! Me and the other girls in the dorm like to play board games down in the lobby of our building. Sometimes we even bake in the kitchen before everyone gets there!”  
Sora’s eyes lit up at her idea. “Really? That’d be great, Kairi! Are you sure everyone would be okay with me being there?”  
Kairi nodded furiously. “Absolutely! You’ve got to meet the girls. They’re going to love you.”

Sora smiled graciously. “Where are we going first?”  
“Breakfast. Aren’t you hungry?”  
He was.

 

 

-*-

 

 

         Sora and Kairi exited his dorm, and began the walk towards breakfast. “So, obviously, that’s the boys’ building,” Kairi explained, while they started down the sidewalk path. “The girls’ is right across the courtyard,” she pointed. There weren’t as many students out walking as Sora had expected. It put him at ease, and he held his hands behind his head, relaxed. 

“Where is everybody?” Sora asked. 

“Oh, we’re a little late, so most everybody’s already eating breakfast.”  
Sora tensed up a little. “Yeah…?”  
“It’s okay,” Kairi said. “You’re gonna sit with me and my friends.”  
“Cool,” Sora smiled. 

         They neared the main building that housed the cafeteria, and Sora could already see some of the bustling students from afar. They were headed out in the direction of their classes.  
“Do we have time to eat?” Sora wondered aloud.  
“Uh, let’s see…” Kairi reached into the pocket of her shorts and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Your first class isn’t until nine, so… we’ve got plenty of time. Some kids just have really early classes, which is unfortunate.”  
As soon as the two of them neared the main building, Sora could already feel the stares beating into his skin. Each stare felt like a shot to the heart. When they entered the building, it only got worse. It felt like everyone in the room stopped talking and eating and turned to look at him. Sora tried to remember some of the breathing exercises Dr. Ava had taught him. Kairi grabbed his hand and squeezed. “They’re just excited,” she reassured. “We haven’t had a new student in like, eight years.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah. Let’s go get some breakfast.”  
         Sora followed Kairi’s lead, although hesitantly, through the line to get food. When the two of them emerged with their trays, Sora was just ready to sit down and stop being stared at. He heard a voice calling from across the cafeteria. In the middle of the room, a tall person sat at a circular table, waving a napkin in the air. 

“Oh, _Kairi!_ Kairi, darling!” 

Kairi rolled her eyes, and led Sora through the masses of students to towards the table.  
“What, Axel?” she asked, monotone but slightly amused. 

“Aren’t you going to introduce us to your new friend?” 

         Sora hadn’t realized it, but he was hanging behind Kairi like a child hiding behind his mother. “Oh, yeah. Guys, this is Sora,” she said, pulling him forward- exposed. Three pairs of eyes shifted towards him. “Sora, this is Axel-“ she pointed at the exuberant redhead, grinning and smirking at him- “this is Roxas,” she introduced, motioning towards the blonde haired boy, calm but still offering him a greeting hand. _Roxas,_ Sora made a mental note. He was one of the boys who had come home so late last night. 

"And this is Riku." Sora turned towards the last boy. His silver hair fell in front of his face, like he didn’t want to be bothered. Riku looked up, turquoise eyes baring into him, and sucking the breath out of Sora’s throat. Riku wouldn’t stop looking at him. 

“H-hello,” Sora said, shaky. 

“Sora’s going to come and sit with me today,” Kairi told them. 

“ _What_? Kairi, you’re hogging the boy all to yourself on his first day?” Axel whined. 

“Yeah, for real, Kairi. Let the guy sit with some boys,” Roxas agreed. 

“It’s okay,” Sora interjected, meek. “I don’t mind.”  
         Roxas shrugged, and went back to eating his breakfast. Riku was still looking at Sora but offering no communication, and it was making him extremely uncomfortable. It was reminiscent of the same look the boys had given Sora back at his old school. He was really glad he hadn’t decided to wear any pink that day. 

Kairi tugged at Sora again, and they made their way over to the girls’ table. Sora breathed a sigh of relief. 

By the time they got there, only one girl remained. “Hey, Nami,” Kairi greeted. “Where is everybody?”  
“They already left for class,” the girl responded, scribbling something in a notebook.  
“We’ve got a guest,” Kairi said. The girl looked up from her book, and gave Sora a welcoming expression, just like Kairi had. This was where Sora belonged, he was sure of it. Well, as close to belonging as he could get.

“Hi, how are you?” she asked. “I’m Naminé.”  
“Sora,” he said, setting down his tray. “What are you drawing?” 

“Oh, this? It’s a portrait I have to finish for my art class… but it’s not coming out how I wanted it to…”  

Sora turned to look at it closer, and he shook his head. “No… I think it’s great Naminé, really. It’s beautiful.” 

She smiled graciously. “Thank you. It means a lot!” 

         The three of them ate their breakfast together, all talking happily about the days’ events and Sora’s arrival. Even though Sora felt comfortable sitting with Kairi and Naminé, he could still feel the stares of some of the guys at a few tables over. He looked over his shoulder at the table, as they looked him up and down before making a disgusted look. Sora hoped to God those boys weren’t on his floor. 

“Hey, Kairi…,” Sora began. Kairi turned to him, looking up from her phone. 

“Yeah?”  
“What’s up with that guy… Riku?”  
“Huh? Riku? Nothing, he’s just like that. He has good and bad days. Sometimes he’s super talkative and other times he doesn’t speak a word all day. He can be quite the angsty one.”  
Sora bit his lip. “I don’t think he likes me very much.”  
         Kairi hit him playfully on the shoulder. “Don’t be stupid, Sora. He doesn’t even know you. How could he not like you?”  
“I dunno…” Sora scratched the back of his head.

“Don’t worry so much about it. That’s just Riku.” 

Sora just nodded, and Kairi went back to texting one of her friends. As much as he tried to forget about it, Sora kept worrying about Riku. 

         Kairi seemed to like him, so he wanted Riku to like him. The way Riku looked at him, like he was trying to stare right through him… like he wanted to pin him up against a bathroom wall and turn his face black and blue… he wondered just how he’d look at him when he wore something different. Sora knew he shouldn’t worry so much about it. He had two good friends sitting right here with him, and that was more than he could ask for, considering he’d been at Radiant Academy for less than 24 hours. However, having something so minimal to think about was a welcome distraction from the other demons plaguing Sora’s mind. 

 _Whatever_ , Sora thought, shaking his head. 

He’s not his problem. 

 

 


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, it's been two months. I'm so sorry.  
> I'm in nursing school right now, and I'm also working the night shift at our local hospital, so you could say I've been a little busy! I'm going to start writing this during my down time at work now, so I appreciate you for being patient with me!  
> I wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments/kudos. It means so much.  
> Thanks everybody. Enjoy!

Riku had a plan.

It was the same plan he’d had for the past eight years, when the counselors came and talked to his fourth-grade class about career paths. They’d taken some sort of bubble-in quiz, he remembered, that told you what field you were best suited for. Riku wasn’t necessarily surprised when it came back saying he should enter the medical field. His father had worked in orthopedics for almost fifteen years, and his mom was the nurse practitioner at a local pediatric office. It was pretty much in his blood. The money, as well, was not something he’d turn his nose up at.

So, Riku formulated his master plan. First, he needed to get into Radiant Academy. There was nothing wrong with Radiant Garden’s local high school, but his dad always told him colleges preferred private schools when looking at resumes. Riku had put in his application halfway through his seventh-grade year, and got accepted in the next few months. After he got into Radiant Academy, he needed to get the best grades possible. This meant little free time, a decreased social life, and lots and lots of caffeine. Riku was one of the top students at Radiant Academy, and he took all honors and AP courses. He also jumped at any opportunity to get college credit, regardless of what it was. Lastly, he would graduate at the top of his class, and get accepted to the Twilight School of Medicine, where he would dedicate the better part of his early twenties studying to become the best doctor Radiant Garden had ever seen. Of course, sometime after that, when his residencies were over and he had plenty of time to become comfortable in his career, he could focus on meeting a girl, getting married, and maybe having some kids. But love, of all things, was the last thing on his mind.

Consequentially, Riku tended to be focused on almost nothing but school. It was next to impossible to occupy his mind with anything other than the lesson when he was in class. But not on this particular Thursday.

Five minutes before the bell rang, a flustered Sora walked through the door, attracting the attention of every pair of eyes in the room, including Riku’s. He plopped down in the closest seat- a desk by the door- and pushed his messy hair out of his face. Riku could already hear the whispers beginning around him. Sora pulled a piece of crumpled paper out of his backpack, and Riku cringed, looking down at his own immaculate notes. Riku watched in fascination as Sora searched his bag for a writing utensil. Finally, about ten minutes into Professor Eraqus’ lesson, Sora settled and took a deep breath, turning in his textbook to the correct page but obviously paying no attention.

There were a couple things Riku noticed about Sora in that hour and a half.

One: Sora had a habit of rubbing his thumb against his hand, and he did so almost unconsciously.

Two: He was always fidgeting, whether it was pulling at his sweater or rolling his pencil back and forth on his desk.

Riku had studied enough about mental conditions to know that something wasn’t completely normal with him. He chalked it up to an attention deficit disorder, (and then mentally patted himself on the back for recognizing his diagnosis). Undoubtedly, Sora’s conscious was elsewhere. Class ended before it even began. Riku was appalled at himself; he hadn’t written down a single note. He shook his head, and silently scolded himself. Riku stood beside his desk and loaded his textbook and composition books into his backpack. _I should really properly introduce myself_ , Riku thought- _if he’s going to become such good friends with Kairi._ Slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder, Riku looked back towards the entrance, but Sora was already gone.

 

-*-

 

Naminé was sometimes too pretty for her own good. It was the afternoon now, and the students of Radiant Academy were halfway done with their day. Riku approached the picnic table in the center courtyard where Axel, Roxas, and Naminé all sat during study hall. Axel and Roxas were late like always, but Naminé sat on one of the benches peacefully, wearing one of her signature white blouses; her blonde hair tied up on the top of her head. A red colored pencil rested behind her ear.

Plenty of people had asked Riku throughout the years why he never dated Naminé. They never bothered to ask him about Kairi, because everyone knew the two of them had known each other since birth, and were more like siblings than anything else. But, that was how Riku felt about Naminé, too; sure, he loved her, and she was undeniably beautiful, but he loved her like you would love a sister, and he could never imagine them being anything else. Riku plopped down on the adjacent bench, the worn wood giving in underneath him. Naminé smiled in response. “Hey,” she greeted. “Having a good day so far?” Riku shrugged. “It’s average.” Naminé scribbled in her sketchbook. Riku reached into his bag and grabbed his English textbook, ready to finally get some studying done.

That was when he spotted Kairi angerly making her way across the courtyard. Riku knew the face she was making. Riku knew he was in for it. He tried to act like he hadn’t seen her; burying his face in his book. Two pink sneaker-covered feet appeared beside him, and before he could raise his head up to look at her, a rolled-up copy of Seventeen hit him on top of the head.

“Ow!”  
“Riku,” Kairi scolded, her hands on her hips. “You’re in trouble.”  
“Huh? What did I do?”  
“I just don’t know why you’ve gotta be so cold all the time,” she sighed. “It gets really old.”  
“What are you talking about, Kai?”  
“You’re giving Sora the cold shoulder. He’s all concerned just because you can’t stop-“  
She hit him on the head in between each word.  
“Thinking.”  
_Fwap._  
“About.”  
_Fwap._  
“Yourself.”  
_Fwap._  
Riku rubbed his head. Over the table, Naminé was chuckling to herself. “I haven’t even spoken to Sora. How could I be giving him the cold shoulder?”  
“You didn’t introduce yourself at breakfast, and he said you were glaring at him throughout your entire English lesson!” Riku paled. _Sora had noticed him watching?_ Kairi sat down beside him, eyes pleading.  
“He’s new, Riku, and he doesn’t know anybody. It’s not going to kill you to be a little fuckin’ hospitable, okay?” He knew Kairi was right.

So, that’s how Riku ended up cancelling on everyone that night. They were all supposed to go down to Cid’s to get milkshakes and talk about things that didn’t really matter, and Riku had actually been looking forward to it. Roxas and Axel were upset, but Kairi was happy with him, and that’s really all that Riku cared about. He was cancelling on his best friends so he could attempt to form some sort of relationship with Sora. After lots of debating and brainstorming, Riku decided to take his extensive notes over to Sora’s room, and try and help him catch up on the last three months of the class he’d missed. If nothing else, at least he’d gain some good karma by helping one of his classmates get their grades up. Riku gathered his books into his arms, and made his way down the hall towards Sora’s room. He stopped in front of the closed door, and swallowed.  
_This is ridiculous_ , Riku chided. _There’s no reason for me to be nervous._ He knocked.  
“Who is it?” came the small, curious voice from inside the room.  
“Uh, it’s… it’s Riku.”


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man. Okay. I'm sorry.  
> Y'all are all leaving the nicest notes and I see them and I appreciate them more than you know. Life is busy.  
> I'm really hoping to pick back up on this, I just go in and out of phases of having inspiration to write this. But, I love my boys, so, they'll inevitably come.  
> Thanks for everything.

_Oh god. It’s Riku. Riku’s here._

Sora panicked. His palms began to sweat and his pencil slipped right between his fingers. Quickly, he shuffled his papers around on his bed and moved towards the door to pull it open.

And there stood Riku, looking as cool as ever, holding a stack of binders in his arms, (each neatly labeled, Sora noticed).

“Hi,” Sora greeted quietly, and for the first time, he was forced to look Riku in the eyes. Riku was _beautiful._ “What’s… what do you need?” He scolded himself. That sounded way too demanding. _C’mon, Sora, get it together._

“Well,” Riku began, shooting Sora a life-giving smile, “I thought I might could help you catch up on what you’ve missed. If you want.” Riku adjusted the heavy load in his arms. Sora couldn’t move. “Uh, don’t worry,” Riku assured, picking up on Sora’s nervousness. “I’m not trying to pull some cliché ‘studying leads to something else’ tactic. Promise.” Riku crossed his fingers over his heart.

Sora smiled in response, and began speaking almost involuntarily. “Oh, y-yeah! Yeah, I’d like that!”

He was nothing like the boy he envisioned Riku to be. Sora felt his heart swell in his chest as he moved to the side to let Riku into his room. Watching the silver haired boy move past him, Sora suddenly became conscious of how his room must look to someone like Riku. Messy. Disorganized. Way too decorated for a boy. He could only imagine the terrible things Riku was about to say about it.

“I like what you’ve done with your room, Sora,” Riku said, taking a seat in the desk chair. “It’s very personal. Nothing like mine.”

Sora tugged at his sweater. He was already in his pajamas, and now he became conscious of his outfit and his hair; which was all messed up he was sure- and totally not presentable for Riku’s visit. He tried to salvage it by running his hands through it but gave up.

Timidly, Sora sat on the bed beside where Riku sat at his desk. “It was nice of you to come here,” Sora said, feeling his cheeks burn red. _Why was he feeling like this?_

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Riku assured, flipping through his notes. “I thought that, since you’ve been hanging out with Kairi and everything, that I should get to know you, too.”

Sora watched Riku with fascination: at his pencil case where everything had a place, and his color-coordinated notes.  
“You and Kairi are pretty close, huh?” Sora asked absentmindedly.

“We’ve been best friends since forever,” Riku said, and Sora- for just a moment, Sora felt like he was almost intruding on something.

“Ready?” Riku asked, notes open and looking at Sora.

“Oh, I-yes, yeah.”

            Sora and Riku studied together in his room for a good hour and a half. Riku was a good teacher. Sora had never been the best at paying attention, but Sora couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Riku, which made it easier to hang on to every word he said. Riku was funny.

He had a dry sense of humor that Sora hadn’t seen in many other people before, and that just made every joke he cracked that much funnier. Sora found himself laughing like he hadn’t laughed in a really long time, and that just made the sinking feeling in Sora’s stomach that much worse.

Because Riku was beautiful. He really, really was. He knew that he had just gathered his things and showed up at Sora’s door, without making any real effort towards his appearance. But still, everything about Riku was chiseled and sharp, and that all would’ve been well and good and Sora could’ve moved on if Riku hadn’t have had such a great personality.  
But god damn it, he just had to have a stunning personality too, didn’t he?

            “So,” Riku said, finally closing his books for the night, and plopping down beside Sora on the bed. Sora rubbed at his hand, suddenly too aware of the space between himself and Riku.

“So…,” Sora continued.

“Tell me about you. Why did you come to Radiant Academy?”  
This was it. This was the question Sora had been dreading answering since the moment he’d stepped foot on the campus. “Um, well…”  
“Let me guess,” Riku stopped him. “You’re secretly a delinquent. You vandalized your neighborhood night after night and your parents finally couldn’t take picking you up from the police station anymore and decided to send you to a boarding school.”  
Sora smiled and shook his head, looking down at his hands.  
“Oh, come on!” Riku said. “I’ve gotta be right.”

“Do I look that much like a criminal?” Sora asked.

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” Riku grinned, nudging Sora in the side. “You’re definitely the toughest one here.”

Sora giggled to himself, avoiding eye contact with Riku.

“Really, though. Why?”

Sora turned it around. “Why are _you_ here? You don’t really pin me as the kind of person who would want to come to an academy like this.”  
“I don’t, huh?” Riku asked. “I came here because I wanna get into a good school.”  
“So?” Sora said. “I’m sure you could do that wherever.”  
“Yeah, I could,” Riku said. “Probably, but, I need the best chance to get into wherever I want to, ‘cause, I’ve got this plan. I’ve got it all worked out. I know exactly how my life is going to turn out.”  
“No, you don’t,” Sora countered.

“I do, Sora, I really do.”  
“No, you don’t.”

            The room was quiet. This was the first time the dorm had been quiet since Riku knocked on his door. The silence was heavy. “You never really know,” Sora said. “How it’s going to turn out. That’s just the way that the universe works. You can plan and plan, but in the end, the way that things were meant to be are the way it’s going to happen.”  
Riku nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I know that too.”  
“I didn’t want to come here,” Sora admitted. “It wasn’t my choice. But I’m not a delinquent. My parents didn’t send me here because they couldn’t handle me. And I never had good grades, so I wasn’t here because of academics or anything. I’m here for a different reason than all that. I’m not like everyone else.”

“I know you’re not,” Riku said.  
Sora looked over at him, and the two hung on to each other’s gazes for two long beats, before a knock came at the door.

The blue-haired dorm mother peeked around the corner, smiling warmly at the two boys. “Bedtime,” Aqua said, motioning to Riku.

“Right,” he said, standing up and gathering his things. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Y-yeah,” Sora stuttered, heart beating fast. Riku packed his things up in his arms.

“Hey, wait,” Sora called, before Riku disappeared behind the door.  
“Yeah?”  
“Thanks… for uh… making me feel welcome.”    
Riku winked. “No problem.”  
            The door closed. Sora couldn’t breathe.

Riku.

He was going to become Sora’s problem.

 

 


End file.
